A Pleathora of DGM Diaries
by NerdyKnitter
Summary: Crack. Really funny. Komuin 6  oh, no! . Where is Kanda's hair? Komui stops obsessing over Lenalee! Earl loves Allen! Please read and review!   rated T 'cause I'm parenoid!  8P
1. A Plethora of DGM Diaries

A Plethora of DGM Diaries!

A/N: Okay, this is really random. Oh, Timcanpi8me (formerly Knitting4248) helped me write this so it's not ALL my fault. I think it's pretty funny, but I wrote most of this at, like, midnight... So, it's weird. Okay...

Disclaimer - that says it all, but just in case you were wondering, you can tell DGM isn't mine because I don't draw very well.

Cross' Diary

So my buddy bought me some gin last night while we were playing gin for gin on a gin table with gin in it. I spotted a flaming hot chick who just so happened to have a gin necklace. Anyway, I took the gin and gin laden girl home and while the gin ceased making me see gin stars, I realized the gin chick wasn't so hot after all. Oh well, we sure had fun and she's a girl!

* * *

Author's note: Gin: * rum like stuff

* a card game

*silver (Japanese)

* * *

Kanda's Diary

Che! This is lame.

Later...

Komui wants me to write more, so:

CHE! Komui's lame.

CHE! This is lame.

CHE! Lavi's lame.

CHE! You're lame for reading this.

CHE! Komui's lame for making me do this!

CHE! This is lame! I feel like a girl!

CHE!

Cross' Diary

The other day I watched a man watch a flower man. It was manly. I think the man wanted to man and become a real man by learning tips on how to man from the flower he was watching man. I sat by the man and laughed at his unmanly-ness. The flower must have laughed to because the furthest the man had managed to man was 3.5 feet. I would not have mentioned this except the poorly manned man introduced me to a wo-man who had obviously manned more than the man could manage to man. Wow. The man was less manly then the very manned woman. She was hot. You'll never guess what the man told me next: the woman was his girlfriend. She cheated on him. Now she's my girl friend. I love the unmanned man's ex girlfriend!

* * *

Author's note: Man: guy, dude, adult male person, grow.

* * *

Allen's Diary

**_FOOD!_**

Cross' Diary

Yo. Yo mama so yo she let's you, "Yo!" in the middle of the yo, yo. That's pretty talented, yo. Yup.

* * *

Author's note: Sister says: Perfect, yo.

Yo: hi, your, night, world, let's, lets you, exclamation, use, western

* * *

Cross' Diary

So I wrote a letter to my good pal Yu.

Yo, Yu!

Yo you in the middle of the yo, yo?

Good Yo, yo!

Kanda's Diary

So I got this letter from some disrespectful psycho baka freak named Cross. It was really weird. The only thing I could think was: umm. WTF! (what the flip!)

Che.

Allen's Diary

Sorry about the last bite. I hadn't had a bite of a bit to eat. I was crabby it made me sad. I cried. Cross says I'm an emotional imbasil (or how ever you spell it). I guess PMSing girl sums it up. Anyway, Kanda got a letter from my master:

'Yo, Yu!

Yo you in the middle of the yo, yo?

Good yo?'

(Distant stare.) Wow, dude. He got some wacked up slang man. So I figured I'd do the kind and Allen like thing and translate the letter for Kanda. (rock with CHE! on it)

'Hey my bestest frenemy, Bakanda-kun.

Wanna go get drunk with me tomorrow night? It would be fun! I'll meet you at the bar down the street at 2 am. I'll bring the gals, you bring the gin. Please don't smell. Girls hate smelly guys, but they'll love your shemale hair! But they love me more.

See-ya then, Bakanda-kun!

-Masuta'

"You got all that from 'Yo you in the middle of the yo, yo? Good Yu, yo?'?" Kanda asked.

Lavi's Diary

I told Komui that Yu-chan was drunk. _**"HOW DARE YOU BE SO CLOSE TO MY PRECIOUS DARLING LENALEE!**_"

Oops...

- Love and Rabbits!

Cross' Diary

Happy dance: "I'm a pervert! Yes, I'm a pervert! Oh, I'm a perert!"

Kanda's Diary

Che! Why are you reading my diary!

Che! Why are you wasting my time!

Jerry's Diary

Al-kun skipped breakfast today because he was running late. I was planning on making him 40 miarishi dangoes, 3 supreme pizzas, Mongolian BBQ, fried chicken, 51 eggs with 3 blocks of cheese and pork, 6 scrambled eggs with ham and steak, 13 fried eggs covered in bacon bits, a large stack of turkey pancakes, 9 whole wheat pancakes, 2 plain pancakes, 3 salmon sandwiches, 4 PB&J sandwiches, 13 muffins of various sorts, 6 doughnuts, 78 beef empenadas, 69 funnel cakes, turkey soup, a fried turkey sandwich, a deep fried chicken salad, soba with chicken and lots of moiashis, 301 crackers with nutella, a large flank steak, 1 green apple sliced and covered in cinnamon sugar, an elephant ear, 1 large beef pizza, a shrimp cocktail, fried rice, 2 spring rolls, 6 egg rolls, a cone of vanilla bean ice cream, a beef shepard's pie, chow mein, 11 more mitarishi dangoes as an after thought, a bowl of rice covered in soy sauce, steamed carrots mixed with some hamburger meat, chocolate chip brownies, cookies, 3 large hot dogs, 16 peanut butter apples, a sliced orange, a pear, grapes, an apple pie, a pumpkin pie, a big turkey drumstick covered in BBQ sauce, chocolate, chocolate mousse, raspberry pudding, 36 California rolls, shrimp scampi, 19 chicken gizzards, honey roasted peanuts, 1 gallon of freshly squeazed orange juice, lemon merring pie, hot chocolate, chai tea, gram crackers, sushi, an Alaska roll, and a big honkin' bear claw. I'm kinda hoping Allen will gain some weight (he's so skinny!). No success yet. Oh, Bakanda-kuny wants me to make him some soba. Yay!

Roofa's Diary

I miss Allen. I miss Allen like the moon misses the sun during a lunar eclipse. I miss Allen ike a beached whale misses the ocean. I miss Allen like a spawning salmon misses its younger days. I miss Allen like a mama moose misses her baby when she leaves. I miss Allen like a used glow stick misses its glory days of shining. I miss Allen like the rocks miss the sea. I miss Allen like people miss home. I miss Allen. I love Allen. Yep! Hey! There's Allen-chan!

Kanda's Diary

Che! KSD is lame for writing this!

Allen's Diary

Roofa has been following me around all day. As if one stalker isn't bad enough.

Cross' Diary

So I met this girl call Mo who was mo. It was sad. Mo wasn't mo after we went to my house! te he he... 8D

* * *

Author's note: Mo is used as a name and it's Japanese meaning here. Mo is Japanese for mourning. How sad. That's okay. My sister thinks it would be a neat name. As a matter of fact, she likes it. What a weirdo. I think I'll have to delete this part of the a/n when she reads it. She hate when I make any reference to her.

* * *

Kanda's Diary

Che! The pope is lame for making us write diaries.

My feelings are lame because I feel like a girl.

Komui's Diary

... Kormurin 6. ...Lenalee. Coffee. ... Yosshi. ...Lenalee. ... Exorcists. ...Lenalee. Pope. ... Kormurin 6. ... OH NO! KOMURIN 6 JUST DRANK MY COFFEE! I MUST GO RESCE MY PRECIOUS, DARLING, AWESOME, TALENTED, BEAUTIFUL, SWEET, CARING, OVERPROTECTED **LENALEE**!

Kanda's Diary

Che! Komui's lame for making a Komurin 6!

Miranda's Diary

I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make Komurin 6 go crazy! I didn't mean to!I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

CRYING!

BAWLING!

WAILING!

Allen's Diary

What's poor Miranda so upset about!

Kanda's Diary

Che! Miranda is lame for giving Komurin 6 coffee.

Allen's Diary

Oh..

Komurin 6's Diary

!

Komui's Diary

_**LENALEE!**_

Allen's Diary

Oh, no! I still have nightmares about Komurin 2... And 3... And 4... And 5... THEY ALL TRIED TO KILL ME AND IT'S ALL KOMUI'S FAULT!

Crowley's Diary

It was a dark and stormy night. Actually, it is a dark and stormy night. Anyway, it was a dark and story night. Everyone on the Dark Order was going to sleep. Everyone, that is, except for me, the friendly neighborhood vampire, and the science department who had too much work to do to even think about sleep again and Miranda who was up late crying. It was she who decided to be really sweet and make a brew a round of coffee for the members of the science department. Miranda walked in, smiling broadly.

"Hey! Miranda, " Komui said, "thank you so much!"

A chorus of thank yous all greeted her and thanked her. Miranda thought about crying but a giant, ugly robot with a white beret distracted her.

"May I have some of your delicious looking coffee, Miranda?" the robot asked.

"Umm, Komui, can the robot have some coffee?"

Komui, who wasn't really paying attention said. "Sure!"

"Thank you, Miranda," the robot said, taking the cup of coffee and drinking it quickly. Then his eyes turned red and he said, "SO MUCH WORK TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME! HERE, JOHNNY, LET ME DO SOME PAPERWORK FOR YOU! OH, NO! THIS EXORCIST IS WEAK! EXORCIST MIRANDA NEEDS TO LEARN NOT TO CRY SO MUCH!" Miranda ran away bawling.

Then Lenalee came in. Komui yelled, "NO, LENALEE! STAY AWAY!" Unfortunately, it was already to late.

"MEMORY SAYS: EXORCIST LENALEE NEEDS MUSCLE GRAFTS TO BE BUFF. EXORCIST LENALEE IS ALSO A WEAKLING! EXORCIST LENALEE, APPROACH!"

"NOT MY PRECIOUS, DARLING, LENALEE!" Komui yelled.

Good thing Allen arrived when he did. "Wha-?"

"MEMOERY SAYS: EXORCIST ALLEN NEEDS WEAPON REPAIRED, STAT!"

"I love this robot," Komui exclaimed, happy that Komurin had forgotten about Lenalee.

"AHHHH!" Allen screamed.

"What's going on in here?" Kanda asked while barging in to the science department. "Can't you guys keep it down for 5 minutes?"

"THIS EXORCIST NEEDS A HAIR CUT, NOW! THIS SHE-MALE NEEDS TO DECIDE WHETHER HE/SHE IS A SHE OR A HE! CHOOSE, EXORCIST!"

"He's a guy, Komurin 6. Great job!" Komui said. Komui was happy that Kanda was finally receiving some punishment and that Komurin's attention had been taken off of one of his favorite exorcists.

"THANK YOU MASUTA, KOMUI," Komurin bowed. " NOW COME HERE, SHE-MALE!"

This did not end well.

Lavi's Diary

Hmmm... I wonder what all of the noise is about. Oh well... zzzzzzzzzzz...

Miranda's Diary

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!I'm sorry!I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'M SO SORRY!

Kanda's Diary

Che. I love my hair.

Che. I loved my hair.

Che! Miranda's lame, not to mention dumb. Who gives a robot coffee anyway?

Che! Komui's lame for approving Miranda's idea to give the komurin coffee.

Allen and Lenalee are lame for making the robot focus on me. Komui is lame for making Komurin6. Komui is lame for making me do this.

Che! You're lame!

Che! Your face is lame! Che! I miss my stupid hair!

Che! I HATE BUZZ CUTS!

Crowley's Diary

You should see Kanda's hair!

Okay, good night, Eliade, where ever you are.

Komui's diary 

THE HORROR! Kanda sliced my precious Komurin 6 into thousands of little pieces! He was the best Komuirin yet! Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Komurin 7. Lenalee. Lenalee. Hmm... Komurin 7... I'll start drafting the plans right away!

Kanda's Diary

Che! I feel like a girl!

Lavi's Diary

Yeah, but you look smexy!

Kanda's Diary

Che! This is lame!

Cross' Diary

So I saw a girl today. She said I was ugly. Now I'm Mo. How sad. =c

Roufa's Diary

I love Allen so much! I think I'll write a poem.

I love Allen  
Yes I do.  
I love Allen,  
How 'bout you?  
You better not.  
Allen is mine.  
I love Allen,  
Allen loves me.  
GET YOUR OWN MAN,  
FOOL!

Komui's Diary

Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee... Lenalee... Lenalee... Lenalee... Lenalee... Lenalee... Sleep...

A few minutes later...

"LENALEE! DON'T LEAVE ME! HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING TO YOUR BROTHER!"

The End!

* * *

Author's note: PLEASE REVIEW! PLEASE! PRETTY PLEASE! You know you want to review my story!

Ch2: The Earl stops hating Allen! In fact, he and everyone else loves him!

8D


	2. Another Plethora of DGM Diaries!

Author's note: this is the second chapter of A Plethora of DGM Diaries, but it is a completely different story but it is kind of related so it is in the same story.

Another Author's note: Thank you to all those who reviewed my last story! It really made my day!I thought I'd quickly explain that an elephant ear is a pastry that is like a funnel cake (I think).

A/N: This was later than expected ( I ran into some homework and {FINALLY} have a break.)... 0-0

Yet another author's note: Hope y'all like this as much as the last! 8D

* * *

Another Plethora of DGM Diaries

(YAY! Wahoo! Cheer! Yay! Yipee! Meep!)

Link's Diary

Today while Allen was studying, I decided to read people's diaries to find out what they think about Allen. I discovered that Roufa also loves Allen. Looks like we're gonna have a battle. I WILL WIN THIS! For him, I will even sacrifice pie.

Roufa's Diary

I love Allen more today than I have ever loved him before. I think I'll write a poem.

I love Allen, yes I do.  
I love Allen. How 'bout you?  
If you do, that's okay.  
I love him more anyway.

Nah... Let's try that again. That on is too.. oh, I don't know... nice.

I love Allen, yes I do.  
I love Allen. How 'bout you?  
If you do, that's okay.  
I'll just murder you today.

Komui's Diary

Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Lenalee. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Allen. Allen. Lenalee. Allen. Lenalee. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Is there something I'm forgetting? Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Oh, yeah! Komurin 7! Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen.

Kanda's Diary

Che! I miss my stupid hair.  
Che! I love Allen.  
Che! Wait, did I just write that?  
Che! You should see the buzz cut I have now...  
Che! No, you shouldn't.  
Che! I love Allen.

Mrs. Bakanda Walker... Doesn't it sound perfect? Or, better, Mrs. Yu Walker. Great! Or, Mrs. Allen Kanda! What ever. I can see it now. Every morning Moyashi-chan will wake me up calling, "Yu-chan!" I'll run down stairs and eat Jerry's perfect soba while saying hi to my 5 kids, dog, polar bear, & musk ox. Maybe even a moose. The smell of the musk ox will perfectly compliment Allen's beautiful scent and the scent of the flowers in our ginormous garden and through out our brightly colored mansion.

I love Allen so much. I think I'll stop calling him moyashi... All that matters to me now is Allen. Allen Walker. I love that guy... and that name. I think I would kill myself if Allen chose anyone else. Not that my life matters. Only Allen's matters. I love Allen...

Lenalee's Diary

My brother would kill me if I ever admitted this or acted on my feelings, but I think I have fallen in love. I love Allen Walker. I don't know how and if I should tell him (or my brother, for that matter). I don't know. All I know right now is that I love Allen more than that shallow girl in those dumb movies thinks she loves that baka vampire freak and/or that lame dog-man with a face. That's all for now. I'm gonna go find Allen, my one true love.

Lavi's Diary

Yeah, we're realy tight. We go WAY back. I know he'll chose me.

Anyway, today Lenalee came to see me for advice. She said she loves this guy but desn't know how to break it to him or her scary bro-chan. I told her to follow her heart, it knows best. Oh, and be sweet  
and romantic and funny and charming and yourself. No pressure. It's not like this could change your life or anything! Good luck with the bro, Jo!

Allen's Diary

Everyone has been acting really weirdly today...

Lavi's Diary

Lunch time finally arrived! I was excited to hear the words come out of her sweet little lips. (I'd turn her down because, of course, I love Allen, but I appreciate the gesture) I watched her beautiful slender body approach me with a chorus of 'Chariots of Fire.' Soon she arrived at my table.

"Allen," Lenalee began to ask Allen to move away so she could tell Allen how she really feels about me in private. "I," she continued sweetly. "L-" Wait! something was going wrong! "-o-" SHE LOVES ALLEN! "-v-"

"GET YOUR OWN MAN, YOU FREAK! ALLEN IS MINE!"

Sennen Hakushaku's Diary

I was thinking about sending a band of rogue level 7 akuma to go kick Allen's butt. Then I realized I have a lack of murderous rage against him today. I think I'll send him some flowers. I think I love that kid.

Komui's Diary

Lavi freaked out at Lenalee today. I don't even care. I don't even know why I bothered to write that. Allen Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Oh, I finished Komurin 7. Now he can go bring Allen some flowers for me and tell him that I love him more than all the other stupid D.O. freaks (especially me lame-o sister). Also I am his commanding officer. He will chose me or I will sic Leviery (I don't know how to spell his name... You know, the Blode Hitler dude guy thingy-mc-bob) on him and Leviery will smite him. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. I still feel like there is something I'm forgetting... Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen. Allen...

Komurin's Diary

No way, you freak! Bring him your own flowers you lazy meat eater! I'm making him a pie because I love him more than you can imagine.

Leviery's Diary

Today I have no feelings of utter hatred towards the boy 14th. I think I might actually like him. Dare I admit it? I think I actually love him. I'll go buy him some chocolate.

Jerry's Diary

OH NO YOU DON'T YOU BIG JERK FACE! I'M MAKING HIM CHOCOLATE AND I BEAT YOU TO IT, SO HA! MINE ARE EVEN IN THE SHAPE OF HEARTS SO BACK OFF! BESIDES, ALLEN-DEAR ACTUALLY LIKES ME!

Tim's Diary

Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Eat. Munch. Devour. Chew. Bite. Food. Food. Food. You see! This is why Allen and I are perfect for each other! We're both obsessed with food. If only we were the same species... I think I could convince Master Cross dear to urn me into a human. YAY!

Cross' Diary

Nuh-uh! You're not even the same species! I mean they call me a pervert! You're not even alive! You're a perverted little machine with a puzzle on your butt! You don't even have feelings, especially those of love! I, however, am HIGHLY capable of thise feelings and feel them very strongly for Allen! For Allen I'll even be monogomous.

Tim's Diary

If anyone's a pervert here, it's you, Cross, it's you. Bite. Bite. Bite. Food. Food. Food. Kill Cross. Marry Allen. Evil plan... &)

Bookman's Diary

I've read about these feelings before, but never experienced them... I think I'm in love with Allen Walker.

Prisoner of the Card's Diary

Aren Woka. Aren Woka. I love him. His name reminds me of my favorite candy: Almond Roca. Aren Woka. =P

Tim's Diary

Must kill Cross. Then I can fly at Allen perfectly so we will be kissing! Great! FOOD! Hey! I'm the only one Allen shares his food with! HE DOES LOVE ME! YAY!

Tidol's Diary

I normally have a relatively normal feeling of love towards Allen as I do towards all people. Today, however, my normal sensations has grown into something more. I think I'll read Allen's diary. Nah, that's a terrible invasion of privacy.

Rhode's Diary

I love Allen more today than I usually do. Weird. I think I'll take the arc and go visit Allen. I think he'd like a visit from his favorite Noah. Lero! Come on!

Lero's Diary

Oh no!

Skin's Diary

Big, tough Skin love little, whimpy Moyashi.

65's Diary

Allen. Allen. I love Allen. Allen. Allen.

Jerry's Diary

Apparently Lev-baka didn't get the message. He gave Allen a box of lame-o chocolates that were full of preservatives and junk. I gave Allen wholesome chocolates that taste WAY better, are slightly addicting, and are very healthy. This proves that I love Allen the mostest.

Leviery's Diary

Jerry gave Allen some ugly and-made chocolate-lookin' things that were no match for my Lindt chocolates. I love Allen the most.

Komurin's Diary

You should have seen Allen eat my pies. He loved them. Unfortunately, Two-Spot had already given Allen a pie, but I know he loved mine the most.

Komui's Diary

ALLEN"S ALLERGIC TO FLOWERS! I'M SORRY, MY LOVE!

Miranda's Diary

I love Allen!

I'm so sorry, Lenalee! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! So sorry!

I must go ask Allen out.

Kanda's Diary

I will confess to the world that I love Allen-chan! Allen loves food, so is there a better time than dinner?

"Allen-chan?" I asked. It felt like we were the only two people in the whole entire world.

"Kanda? You didn't call me Moyashi... Are you okay?" Allen looked (A/N: more than) a little freaked out.

"I'm fine, honey-bunch, I just have something very important to tell you." Allen tried to ask if I was drunk but I quickly continued. "I love you, Allen. All I want to do is live with you in a big, brightly colored mansion somewhere in the Sweedish Alps or the Scottish highlands with our 5 kids, a moose, a polar bear, a musk ox, a dog, and a cute little bunny rabbit."

"HEY!" Lavi exploded. "ALLEN and RABBITS ARE MINE!"

"Actually," Komui said, "I never expected this from either of you two. I hate to break this to you, but Allen and I are madly in love."

"No," Lenalee interrupted.

"Lenalee! Not you too!" Komui yelled. "Not that I care or anything. No, who cares about you. I only care about Allen..."

"Allen is mine, right Allen-chan?" Lenalee finished.

"Um..." Allen said.

"No way, pipsqueak!" Jerry interjected. "He's MINE, all the way!"

"Only his diary can say for sure!" Cross yelled.

Suddenly, everyone raced for the diary. A mad mob squeezed through the hallways fighting to reach Allen-honey's diary first.

Lavi's Diary

I'll take it from here, thanks (you wicked evil jerk face!)

Anyway, we were all fighting to reach Allen's diary. Lenalee was flying until mean ol' Komui reached up and pulled her down (how very out of character). Marie bashed her on the head a few times before giving up and continuing down the hallway. Allen was leading the way to his room trying to stop us. He ended up getting accidentally beaten up. I thought about crying for him. Then Miranda ran up through the crowd and hugged Allen. The Sennen Hakushaku plucked her off of Allen. Miranda gave the Earl a nice punch right in the eye. Panda said he had a cincussion and the black eye would take weeks (maybe even months) to heal. Then Panda kicked the knocked out Earl before going up and slugging Miranda for hugging his "Precious Allen." How could my own Grandfather do this to me? Oh well. That's when I told my awesome hammer (of amazingness) to grow. Suddenly, it was gigantic. I hit Panda upside the head 'accidentally' hitting Kanda.

"Oh!" Kanda yelled. "So that's the way this is gonna be? Did you REALLY just go there? Are you sure you want to go there? You know this can only end one way!" Kanda waved his fingers and swung his hips.

Kanda's Diary

I did no such thing!

Lavi's Diary

Oh yes you did! I would have laughed but in the time it would have taken me to laugh, I was engaged in a full-on battle in the middle of the flippin' hall! Five minutes later, Kanda was bald... and not very happy about it...

hahahahaha... Kanda's bald... =)

Tim's Diary

Anyway, I was winning when Chomuske showed up and pummeled me. I would have really wanted revenge, but then the Pope popped up out of nowhere and knocked him/her out the window. Bakanda (or should I say bald-Kanda) and Tidol cheerfully threw Chomushe out the window with a chorus of "The Second Story Window." Then Rhode showed up and kissed Allen. That's when Skin and Link went rogue.

* * *

A/N: The second story window lyrics (just incase you don't know the song):

The window, the window  
The second story window.  
With a heave and a ho and a mighty throw  
We threw him/her/it out the window!

Okay, have a nice day!

* * *

Lenalee socked Rhode in the back of the neck, knocking over Allen and Rhode. Rhode stood up and wiped her self off. She told skin to attack Lenalee, but Skin decided to throw Rhode out the window. Poor Chomuske. She had landed and passed out. Just as she was waking up, Rhode landed on her. They were both pretty... well... beaten up. Allen wasn't able to get up until afew minutes later after being trampeled thoroughly by every member of the holy war besides himself. Ow...

"This proves Allen and I are meant for each other! Today," Kanda began, reading Allen's diary out loud. "Everyone is acting really weird."

Then, everyone became part of a bid brwal, pushing and shoving and fighting towards the outside of the building. Soon they were all outside and Allen was at the edge of the cliff.

Bakanda raced towards Allen. "I LOVE YOU ALLEN!" he said. Kanda kissed the extremely weak Allen, accidentally knocking him off of the cliff.

"**_ALLEN!_**" Everyone yelled as Allen fell.

Komui's Diary

Tim bit Allen's ear as he fell, trying to save him, but he fell anyway and died. We were heart broken... especially me.

"I was the last one to touch him!" Tim cheered, hovering over the edge of the cliff. We all jumped after him and fell and died. How sad. What a terrible end of us all.

How am I writing this?

That's a good question... I really don't know... oops...

The end!

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! CH3 coming soon! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review!

Ch3: The members of the D.O. find out Allen's a girl... oh dear.


	3. Yet Another Plethora of DGM Diaries!

**Kanda's Diary**

Ode to my Hair

Oh how I loved thee

Hair.

Thou wasest so lovely and long

Hair.

Shall I make a wig,

Hair?

Thou wasest so black and blue - no one could tell,

Hair,

but me and you,

Hair.

Oh how I long for the days where you are on my head, and I am actually mean,

Hair,

Because I look so lovely and intimidating.

Hair,

Oh how we scared people.

Hair,

I love you. You are my best friend. You were my best friend - but you are gone now,

Hair.

**Lavi's Diary**

Kanda thinks he is Samson. He thinks he is no longer intimidating because he no longer has his_ precious hair. _(little does he realize he wasn't intimidating in the first place. If he was, I wouldn't be reading his diary. Then again, maybe not. Je ne sais pas. Well, I don't have to know everything. Seriously, how much more does Panda think my brain can take! I know all of history - every detail: every name; smile; second; moment; every language: every, well, everything - from the big bang [even though that wasn't really what happened] to the 20th century. I've been alive for a while but I haven't been able to observe everything that has happened during that time. Wow. This was one random tangent... I sure hope Panda doesn't read this - especially because I'm supposed to be writing as essay about the similarities and differences between Shay's Rebellion and the Whiskey Rebellion. I should probably get started... but I don't want to. Panda wont know... What should I do instead...?

**Panda's Diary**

You stupid idiot! You were supposed to be writing your essay! That's why is stank (literally!) You left it to the last minute you lazy little pipsqueak! You thought I would find out! NEWSFLASH: I'm a flipping Bookman! (Or have you forgotten what bookmen are!). Oh... I've been writing so hard I tore a whole in this page. THIS BETTER NOT HAPPEN AGAIN!

Now, I think I'll go practice accupuncture on your eyeball...

Have a great day (you lazy little kirkenmirken!*)

A/N: * something along the lines of kirkenmirken is Danish for church yard or church field...

**Allen's Diary**

Lavi! Kanda is totally intimidating - well, not so much with out his hair... He looks hilarious now. I feel for the guy... he's so ugly. Although he looks less like a girl than he used to.

**Kanda's Diary**

They think I looked like a girl with no hair! How could long hair have shown the true me? I grew long hair to desguise my femininity... oops.

Oh poem that I wrote earlier, I take thee back. Thou are but a lie serving only to mock me, now.

I shall write a new poem to show my current feelings of love and hatred.

**Lavi's Diary**

Aww... Does someone need his emo corner...?

=D

**Kanda's Diary**

Ode to a lack of hair

Though I look silly, according to some,

and some even say that I now look dumb,

I do appreciate my precious lack of hair

locking me up in a hidden lair.

Now no one can tell what I truly am.

No one can see that I hate ham.

Nobody sees that I am a girl

and no one can see that I want to hurl.

People can't tell that I'm vegan - Soba is all

I eat. People can't tell that it's me at the mall!

I loved the, hair,

But now I can see is all that is there:

Thou wert a hinderence - not a help.

Thou art like kelp

to me now - drowning and gross

And to thee now I do bid adios.

I can see clearly now, my hair is gone.

I love the man that I do see drawn

in the mirror, staring squarely back at me.

He looks like a man - not a wo-man. tehehe.

Now you think that this is the end. Well it is.

**Komui's Diary**

OMGsh! KANDA'S A GIRL!

He had better stay away from my precious, darling LENALEE!

-to be continued...


End file.
